User contributions: my 14 years of emotional confession

How to find true love » This is a special letter, we believe that the share of people is the best teacher, with the consent of the author agreed to share this Psytopic feelings of a section of the course. Psytopic User Cai Bin letter: I 28 years old, and a person would like to form a harmonious family. For me this age, should make such a demand is normal. The question is, what I need to have the conditions » How can I do to this demand a reality » I own a lot of the shortcomings, there are many terrible I do not know, and the impact of changes in my life. I need Psytopic netizens, or with the help of consultants, the best that I can be the lack of improvement and give me a solution. - psytopic.com



Foreword --
When certain things happen to me when I was troubled when I do an honest, kind-hearted, and dare to play their own, and when the status quo is not satisfactory when I want to have a love and to love, and the Actress Xielao formation of the first white family, my experience I gradually lost confidence in the love of…

    I, M, 80, had left primary school level, off a high school, I read the University of three months, when the two soldiers, security干过, five-star hotel brush off the plate made of Health Services, June 06 at home A software company C City branch to do sales so far.

    MBTI personality test: "ISFJ" (to the real flu + + + emotional judgement)
    Standard IQ test: 91
    Personal blog: www.caizihua.cn


First love --

My first love in 1994, six years of primary school, I of our classes' Green '(pseudonym), the good kind of baffling. This feeling continued until 98. SEOUL, it should be. 98 is my high school time, either inadvertently for the day to see her. I would not want to declare her so early. After all, in a county's eight high school can read the same high school, for me. Perhaps she is and I have fate. At that time I was in accordance with this idea first came to high school in less than three months to the day she Xie Lefeng a love letter, as has the courage, so let me a good friend to her.

    … I said to her admirers… and she hopes to become a good friend… I hope that I can marry after her, and so on…

    I am particularly pleased to see that day, especially expectations. Happy because of the depressed feelings about all these years has been released. Look forward to because I have been intoxicated with her after I accepted, our two people together in a beautiful fantasy… I can not think of the results, she has not, I respond. I started very frustrating, I do not know what to do ... Before the first half of a high-end, I will retire next year… the school, looking for his father, I go to another one high school. High school, found themselves very much like music, if the future can be a stray music singer is not bad. I used his pocket money to buy a guitar, flute, harmonica and related teaching materials based on the music began his study music… that time the family I am opposed to study music in their thinking of the stem this is not engaged in decent work, although I only use Amateur Time and weekend… college entrance examination, I was in accordance with the relevant examination procedures that took part in the Art of Music Education professional examinations, took Colleges and universities are Xi'an Conservatory of Music - only later that it was the best in Northwest China Institute of Music… now like to, At that time both ignorant and full of confidence, much like Mangfu. I think I could ever sit Xi'an Conservatory of Music of the worst conditions of a candidate. Piano, Solfeggio, and other basic music knowledge systems have not been training, just like that, with their feelings from the Grade 11 started to use their spare time looking at books' Ziyuzile ', and the other candidates took the test Are basically started learning music from a young age, and professional training institutions after a long period of the music training system, and I compared them, is it?鸡蛋碰石头» Examination and join me in those who took the test in addition to Xian, is also available in the local Taiwan and Guangdong, Qinghai… we like the row of the Changlong, like teams, and I was the last one. When I get, the Shayan, sitting above the five teachers. I am very nervous, I said I would not play the piano. One teacher said that there was no relationship will not be so tense. Chang Shouge you try first, and then good at their instruments like the first bombs we listen to the song. So I will sing the first "365 blessings," Chang Wan after the teacher said no, and so I take guitar bombs "Zhiailisi", when the bomb to half of the time, one teacher said, not a bomb , You can back. Followed by another teacher explained: students welcome you to participate in the examination of our school, but those who took the test system is to go through strict examination before the music education could be taken, if you really like music, went the other Professional music training institutions of learning for some time, have the opportunity to come back after the test… I do not support their families, but also studied music spend a lot of money… Later, I took my father gave me 7,000 yuan for the university money, the newspaper secretly Has a music school.

    Not read music schools in the first week, and I know that my father was not stolen but for the University to study music, the night Ganlu gas to the school early in the morning the next day, when I was on the Solfeggio. We came to the Head of the Department of the classroom I called out and said I was looking for. I also now wonder - I did not come here to tell any one person, how will I find someone is not wrong. I think about is who is the time, from the classroom to see the quarters of the way his father and older sister… Finally the principal's office to handle the relevant drop-out procedures, with his father and sister at the University of **** of the college, to professional…

    I watched college students around the Chengshuangchengdui, my heart is empty, a person calm down and will be baffled when I think of her, she would like to when I can accept. I should think how to do before she could get the favor, perhaps some time in a certain location. I have always been plagued with these problems, there is no thought what class. Originally like music, even their favorite things to do can not be a… One day, I heard that the university also can go to the army, and school retention… I can to persuade the family, then I started in the winter of the Army for two years Career. I am a soldier's motive is simple, there is such a childhood dream. Moreover, now is not thought to university classes, feel that every day at home in the waste of money, if not the army, to force training exercises. Tieda the barracks of the soldiers water, a two-year military career has also boiled over in a hurry, this may have the opportunity to remain in force, or the final choice of the demobilization…

In fact, I have been afraid to speak and girls take the initiative. But I have a conviction, as long as my efforts, I continue to insist that she will one day accept me, although she told me that: the University of Reading in time have a boyfriend, her boyfriend of her very good. But I always think, as long as I do not give up I will have the opportunity. As long as she is not married, I should adhere to. Time seems to have particularly fast time on this 12 years from the unknowingly. These three years she has taken the initiative contact me and asked me take three silver, I have written more than 50 letters it, she had received, she has not received, sent to her because I was unable to find To return to, while others are ready to write out the final mailing sent not know that there has been sealed until now…

    As has been the loss of her off the news, I let her know I understand the students asked her the news everywhere, as long as one has information on immediately told me… once the accident has received her phone, then a very pleasant surprise, like In the lottery. Finally, she told me on the phone said: I and she is simply not possible, I let her very difficult, let me again after four asked her not to the news, I do so is interference in her life, she will only let more Disgusting. She also mentioned the phone to her boyfriend, she said that she loves her boyfriend, they intend to marry her ... I take the money, after I will return. I was a blank inside the brain, felt the end of the world. My heart started Yinyinzuotong friend… have also enlighten me, so I do not want to hang in a tree, not to give up Yike Shu… the whole forest is also from that time my thinking has changed, I think I should Try to understand the girl and she tried to get along.

    (April 08 a day, I cousin (from childhood grew up with the Sidang) call because he and 'Green' in the same city, we are folks, but also the students, he said my things-to him … Who knows who he said could be done on pieces of the things I can not, he linked to the 'Green', 'Green' has been breaking up and her boyfriend… he felt like on the 'Green', then they… I suddenly remember the Tianya forum, a netizen with emotion - read "Sejie" Woman is not reliable, read the "assembly" not a reliable organization, read "vote-were" brothers unreliable. Perhaps there are too many rogue life, And when people incredible! Are both his love of people, if they love, they wish it…)

First kiss --

I start with the first kiss from February 06, then go to work in a network of companies, the time would be silly to find people linked to QQ chat online I know I had a three-year-old's' Dream '(a pseudonym). In the hospital to do the accounting. Online I call her sister, she called my brother. I spoke to her, I experienced the feeling that she is very sympathetic to me. Later, we agreed to meet, this is his life and the first time I meet an online friend. I agreed with her in a small river and it's always the quiet Yiwei with each other in a small river that this afternoon before a special fast…

A second meeting with her physical discomfort, I accompany her to hospital for a check, then we went to her office not far from a park. Willow germination and this time, we sat on the park Dandeng… and the last, not too many words, the quietly listening to each other's breath. She suddenly asked me, have received kiss, I truthfully told her. She said she can teach me how to kiss, then her tongue across my lips… I do not have any resistance, I also try to take heart. Experience in the end what is kissing under the impression that will Hentian, will not have infectious diseases… it is very difficult to kiss the feeling, I went back to live where the old stomach committed Digu…

A night I called her, and later in the agreed places to meet, this is also the last time I met her, she said her boyfriend hit her again, and both of them often quarreled. Last week she went to see her boyfriend's first love, they once again have taken place in relations between the two, and join me in the last test is to go to the hospital because she was afraid of pregnancy. She said watching the very sad, I do not know how to comfort her, tightly holding her… this time I also know that she has a love of her fiance, she also has a love and not the first love with the two lovers… Individuals along the road take a good long… 1:00 each other more than their fare to go home… suddenly one day short of the income she received that she and her fiance married… have no contact for more than two years, she did not know before How kind, not better life » Her husband would beat her… This is what I Commissioner…



Chuye --

If there Chuye women, men should have Chuye it. But my Chuye very painful… 06年4 mid-day in Internet cafes on the night I know… 'Rain' (a pseudonym), her one-year-old small I… She asked me why the web, I say boring, no girlfriend, Would like to find a girlfriend through the Internet, we chat for a long time, she said that she can do my girlfriends, we left each other over the phone, one week after she suddenly gave me phone and asked me how these two days is not the Internet, and then I She Yuehao, I went to her in the A City, she went to the train station I now…

The next day I sat four hours of the A train to the city at night… I intend to return to my C in the city, because to go to work tomorrow. She said that since then can come, stay a night. Go back so late also very tired. I half-joked that if I do not go back, and that evening I can not sleep with you » … She laughed at me, not what she said… bed at night, I sleep sofa. Later she asked me to bed… I was really afraid of my bed and her what happened…

She and I sleep together, this is my first time and his life with a woman in bed to sleep, and is a not very familiar with the woman. Fortunately, the night that things did not happen… The next day she gave me at the train station…, the end she said she want to come to my town to see the C me, I was very excited. She let me help her set of May 3 to F on the city. I said as she set a date to F on the city. I asked her what specific time to C City, I better pick up her, she said that on the 30th, on the 30th to the morning, I called her, she said that the Provisional some things. I call to 12:00 noon. I was thinking that if I do not give time to call on me to retire. There's no need to contact her, because I hate young people who do not comply with the time. After 12:30 pm or not she received the telephone. I was on the retreat, the message to her, will not contact me again, I turned off the phone… 0:00, I return to the Internet opened up a place to live… to see her cell phone to the information I said: Unexpectedly I really Henxin…… suddenly she called me over the last Xinruan… She said she tomorrow (May 2) will be really up to her the next day…… noon after eating a meal I Dai Taqu our nearest one Park, we spent the whole afternoon. At me and she lives in the place I live, I and several university alumni group rental, we fighting ground floor shops, alumni of the evening in order to make room for me, to Internet cafes overnight. May be because we Zoulei pm, 22:00 more Xishu we completed, the respective Huhu fell asleep.

I sent her the next day at the railway station, Yiyibushe of watching the train far away ... 10 days later, she returned to the city from the F I C in the city, that night in our hotel this evening is complete… I had a boy from a man to change. I feel that since have taken place, that we are the true sense of the relationship between the male and female friends, she is also the first in my life I have a girlfriend… The next day she's A Song Tahui City, she left the next day I Found something wrong, a man to the hospital, the doctor said to be infected, I dial her phone so she went to the hospital to detect. The next day she told that some may smell… one week after I had recovered. Never wanted to ask has not asked the doctor to my cause, discharged the day I asked the doctor, will have an impact on my future. The doctor said this is not very serious, no matter what. But after carefully, and as far as possible from such a small woman. According to your symptoms, others may be transmitted to you… because feel that they are in love, there is no more want to. Or continue to fall in love… 6月One day I went to her in the A City time, July One day she came in my first C of the city. One day in August of her on the phone told me that she's visit to Japan, their company in Japan to set up an office. Company managers and sent them to her, there is another of my colleagues have past, they explore the market in the side. That may require a two-year period, or breaking up now and I should not let me two years. She came back to the time we get married. I think this and I think it is not the same. At that time, I plan October 08 birthday of her marriage ... when we take her to the airport the day I sent her, but she did not meet people at night when her phone that she was wrong, in another airport, She tomorrow morning on to Japan, and now turn for the better…

After a month, she said to call the other side are not suited, she is now in Beijing, but she will be back tomorrow, she's A City… 10月day is her birthday, I would like to give her a surprise, and so I Take the train to her in the city after the A call to her when she said: Since the National Day, they travel company, she is not A City, but she will come back at night, let me eat their own thing, find a local住下. We meet at night. 22:00 I beat her phone about how it also Dabu Tong ... I was kind of ominous omen, may be what will happen ... I later called to her home, her mother (I have seen her family) Told me that I will not let her daughter, and between, her daughter had married, in fact, at that time to go to Japan, and is married to her husband travel. I just feel that her daughter is not appropriate and I hope I can find a better future. How can I wish the » God has not Huanguo how this is the outcome » I do not believe that this fact… I even made the worst decision, as long as she is now divorced, I immediately get married and she can… Later she told me the real reason, she had a failed marriage, a 5-year-old son . Since I met her parents, she and I resolutely oppose between. I said, and she is simply not possible, I have not married, and my condition, she chose with me even though I agree that we can not accept their families this reality…

A year later she received a phone call she and her husband now have a child, but her husband would sometimes find a woman outside, their marriage was not happy. But I can do about it, I comforted her on the phone, she lived well. She blamed me on the phone, I said how such a Henxin. Such a long time and she does not link ... I hang up the phone ... A week later, she tells me that her child is not her husband, is my… I do not know how to do, I said to her DNA Inspections, if the child is, I support my down. If it is not my you and your husband lived a good life and death… she does not agree, saying that if I was, I have not married with children, not even after the marriage… Moreover, he is now the husband did not know the truth, if Know, she and her husband are not good ... He later she said she wanted to open a shop and asked could I help her revolving funds. I did not help her… Even now there is no link ... I do not know that she is not really…

She is her, I was I, she has her life, I will have my life. Before the things I have and what relationship…



To each other --

07 Spring Festival, I return home New Year. Under the arrangements for his family, I understand the 'double' (a pseudonym), double Tangsao is my brother's daughter. I was her three-year-old. May 07 'double' to me suddenly from his home in the city to find my C, she said that because of their Kongzhibule… and I miss the days of double-live, she said I had one I do not love her, then cut Fortunately, no wrist suicide… things, but I slowly started to accept her heart she said… I can not leave her… she's good for me, so I often unbearable to her… So I Hulenghure, Ruojiruoli … 4 months after she returned to the home…

December 07 the day, the 'double' of the information tells me that she will get married this month. Do not know why I was especially heart pain, I do not believe that this is true. I am reminded of her once said 'I can not leave her', my heart is more like acupuncture pain in his heart ... because I have accepted she is my woman, who just may be wrong… in me….

    If at that time when I take her to her stay, I better of her, 08, we may be married, but she also had in this life. A heart, I think she is good. I may be because of her attitude toward it, let her feel that I do not love her, I do not like her…

    A time in her room to see QQ… She said she now had the Henzhi Zu, she love her husband, her very carefully. At this point, I think she should be happy, although this has nothing to do with my happiness…



Met --

January 08 in the first day I came to know on the train 'little devil' (a pseudonym), she called me a ghost. She smaller than I am 6 years old, just graduated from university this year. When I first saw her, I know that I and her story may have occurred during the Spring Festival… and I with her to her growth from a small village… her mother in her one-year-old multi-point when she left, and Formed a family. She has been a single father, her grandmother always take care of her. I was his first bring back the heterosexual friends. She said her poor family, she was afraid of her classmates to her house… I call for her brother - in front of her family if she said that she and I are in a relationship, there will be pressure… I accidentally saw her in the university The film and photographs of a boy hugging… Later, I found her and my contacts, she is very concerned University of fellow students (going to embrace a photo of the actor), they also maintained between… So from that time slowly And she has little contact with… Perhaps she was a child, also need to experience… she would want her own happiness…

Instinct --

May 08 One day, and I called a 'floating' (a pseudonym) after eating rice, has more than 0:00, and I Songta Hui home… ( 'Gone with the Wind' is a Gemen about my girlfriend, she is my Gemen wife of my colleagues, my wife and I Gemen good relations. And the 'floating' eaten several meals, also visited a botanical garden. 'Gone with the Wind' is the only son, her very very independent, because her parents are busy working, she is … Her grandmother take care of her from childhood wish to have a brother, she would like to let me do her brother, in his heart and I could not convince myself to accept this sister…) she left her home on 20 minutes, she made a Article SMS said: If a car you will not see me here to it. I know that a person living at her, and because of that living with her sister to accompany their boyfriend went to. In fact, I was a car approaching the home, I see this message, I think: She knows where I live and where she lived not far from the hair of this information is not that I hope that I can and her relationship Further development ... so I went to her home, I Xi Wanzao, how also took her Xianshui down ... I came to her bed, I Kongzhibuzhu own (have) in her … But no, I will drive her way out… This is probably my most Langbei his life a… (3:00, she said: I was too disappointed with her, I very much regret awareness. She felt that I too tired , So stay in her home overnight, this morning I would wake up to the next day, as she called her brother a pro-I wake up. Such a disruption would not, then go home ...)

    I apologize to her e-mail, I hope to give a chance. We ease the relationship between hope we can become a true sense of the relationship between the brothers and sisters ... I have a lot of courage to drum to her apartment to her apology. She hopes to get the pardon. I came in Loudi Xia walk past, the last or the ring of her doorbell. However, she saw that I,啪of the door is closed ... perhaps from the start that night, I was a stranger and she has only a… I just wishful thinking…


Decadence --

   June 08 One day, friends birthday, July 1 pleased drank bottles of beer. Have heard some people say, 'drink of chaos', but did not expect such a thing will happen to me. 0:00, I went to the 'Miao' (a pseudonym) living place - ( 'Miao' is a friend of a friend) ... She said she is also required, since Liangxiangqingyuan, why not timely pleasures, so I and her. .. Woke up, she said later if necessary can also…


Summary --

    I began to dislike themselves,… why these things occur to me, is my own problem » » » … I do not know what will be next » » » I am in the end how the » » »
 
1 for the beloved woman must not love Maoran

2, lonely lonely time to resist temptation

3, two people in love is the thing, it built on the cornerstone of good faith on each other

4, to accept her not going to hurt her feelings

5, compassion is not love, to respect each other's feelings

6, the flowers are to be opened sooner or later, but soon lost out

7, take good care of themselves before others may help

8, the foundation of love, love, love is the cornerstone of marriage, love marriage is a continuation of

                                                 2008-07-07 3:00 in the C Town

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